Open Letter to B.E.T.: How Dare You?

You hurt my feelings. I thought long and hard about how to open this letter. This is some bullshit! What did you do to ‘The Game’? Finally I settled on, in the voice of my inner child, you hurt my feelings. The simplistic sentiment of that statement seemed to capture it all. You hurt my feelings.

See for the first time in a long time I experienced that ‘kid at Christmas’ feeling when I heard that ‘The Game’ was returning to television. I truly adored that show. For the half hour each week I used to watch it I was able to block out all the cares in the world and truly be entertained. Now that the show is on BET, it has the opposite effect, reminding me of the troubles that plague our community until my head aches.

This past Christmas my husband and I played a prank on our son, wrapping a box of newspaper and coal for him to open. In all his Christmas morning excitement and anticipation, he ran straight to the box and began opening. After pulling out a lump of coal, he ran to his room and closed his door. We, his parents, laughed at his reaction and now, having unwrapped the first two episodes of the new season of ‘The Game’ on BET, understand how that lump of coal felt in his hands.

Yes BET, that is exactly what you have given us, the 7.7 million viewers who excitedly anticipated the return of ‘The Game’, a lump of coal. Despite my joy over the shows return, my initial reaction to hearing the show would be on BET was apprehension, the long pause. Be aware BET, your negative reputation within the black community is not without merit. The accusations of ‘shucking and jiving’ are warranted. Yet even with this knowledge, I still decided to give ‘The Game’ a chance because, well, the writing and delivery of seasons one through three earned that dedication.

Now I’m not a religious woman but I can tell you I prayed, ‘Lawd please don’t let BET mess up this show.’ Some say the Lord don’t give you what you want but rather what you need. If that statement is accurate then I would have to say I was given season four of ‘The Game’ on BET to officially stop patronizing the network. Know this, your mutilation of this sitcom will be just enough for me to boycott the network.

BET, Black Entertainment Television, who exactly do you think you are entertaining? Do you really believe the 7.7 million viewers who tuned in were entertained by the uncharacteristic melodrama, complete with black and mild smoking and chitterling references? Who exactly did you hire to write for the new season? How dare you dumb the show down to negatively exploit far from entertaining stereotypes? I ask you, BET, are you laughing with us or laughing at us?

As for the cast, all I can say is I am truly disappointed. Given the current economy, I can truly appreciate that you are glad to be working consistently again. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t ask whether or not you challenged some of the writing. Perhaps it would pacify me on some level to know that Wendy Raquel Robinson at least said, ‘Nah, this is some bullshit. Tasha Mack would never go out like that!’

As much as I adored (past tense intended) this show, I would prefer to visit its sitcom grave than to watch it be tortured by you BET. There is so much more I can say but I think I will stop here and employ the adage ‘if you have nothing nice to say’. My one solace in this catastrophe is the knowledge that adversity breeds character. Maybe, just maybe, if you BET witness a dramatic decline in the viewing of this heavily demanded and anticipated return that you will finally stop dismissing the critique from the very community you claim to dedicate yourselves to empowering and change your programming to become the medium of social support, strength and unifying conduit to the black community it has the power to be. Until then, may I suggest that your writers, directors, producers, programmers and all those involved in conveying images to the black community as well as the other communities tuning in, watch Spike Lee’s Bamboozled repetitively until you can figure out what we are trying to tell you.

Deuces! *Derwin Davis voice, season 3*


Let your voices be heard…what are your feelings about the new season of ‘The Game’?

I Am A Slave...Are You? (Part 1: Is Slavery Over?)

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but our self can free our minds. – Bob Marley

 

My emancipation from mental slavery came with the painful understanding that I am in fact a slave. I am not speaking metaphorically but rather quite literally. I am a black woman who believes the black community, in general, remains enslaved. While the following principles may be applicable to blacks around the world, this discussion is primarily directed at the black community in America, of which I am a member. Interestingly enough American enslavement is no longer limited to blacks but I’ll get back to that later, as I’m certain this will be the first in a series of discussion on this topic.

 

Some people believe that slavery, or at least the American chattel institution of, ended in 1863 with the Emancipation Proclamation. My initial response to one who holds this belief is astonishment. Truth be told, I am tempted to follow such an admission by asking if they also believe in Santa Claus but I understand that would be facetious so I refrain. I can understand why one has difficulty understanding that slavery never ended. In addition to the psychological damage of acknowledging personal enslavement, American society has cleverly camouflaged the practice with a heavily tinted veil. As with most, if not all, American political policies, my advice in lifting the veil would be to follow the money. Does one truly believe that a man who himself utilized and benefitted from slaves would wake up one day and decide ‘That’s it. This has got to stop,’ based solely on altruistic and moral concern?

 

Recently many gay rights activists celebrated the passage of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ (DADT) repeal, abolishing the military gay ban. My initial response was it’s about time as I saw the ban as foolish to begin with but then I wondered about the timing. Granted gay rights have been a hot topic in recent years and the government is under civil rights pressure from the LGBT community but did the political machine which fought in opposition for an eternity just suddenly decide to concede or were other factors at play? Personally the continued overseas efforts and decline in military enrollment came to mind for me. Follow the money. The need for manpower has led to more inclusive requirements, including extending age limits and expanding criminal history waivers.

 

So ask yourself, what was going on around the time the Emancipation Proclamation was signed into law? An extensive historical analysis of chattel slavery would be too lengthy for this forum so I would invite you to do your own research and, for the sake of brevity, I will include a few noteworthy tidbits to substantiate my argument. I’m going to do things a little different though and draw my conclusion first, as I know some may find historical data boring and I would hate for you to stop reading before my point is made.

 

Growing up in Brooklyn, New York I noticed an interested phenomenon. When a nightclub got “shot up”, the terminology for a club related shooting, the club (recognizing the violent history was bad for business) would simply change the name and business would continue as it always did, same location, same patronage, just a different name. I argue that this is in essence what occurred with the institution of slavery.

 

Here’s the cliff note version of the timeline below. An internal financial power struggle ensued between the northern and southern states. The importation of slaves became a costly venture. A social movement to abolish slavery began to gain momentum. Slaves began to demonstrate an unwillingness to remain enslaved and a bordering country, by abolishing slavery, provided a feasible place for slaves to escape to. Financial crisis occurred and recapture became big business, at the expense of the federal government. Civil war began and the southern economy collapsed, thus leading the more financially powerful northern states to victory. The Emancipation Proclamation is signed into law.

 

Here’s an interesting quote I found on Wikipedia: “According to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), the term capitalism was first used by novelist William Makepeace Thackeray in 1854 in The Newcomes, where he meant "having ownership of capital".[21] Also according to the OED, Carl Adolph Douai, a German-American socialist and abolitionist, used the term private capitalism in 1863.”

 

So slavery “officially” ended in 1863 and “private capitalism” was introduced in the same year? Sounds just like a Brooklyn nightclub to me – ain’t a damn thing changed!

 

What do you think? Is slavery over?

 (Note: The following statements can be found on innercity.org)

 

• 1787: The Constitutional Convention adopts a “three-fifths rule” as a compromise to settle differences between Northern and Southern states over the counting of slaves for purposes of representation and taxation. Slaves are to be counted as three-fifths of a free man for both purposes. (The People’s Chronology 1995, 1996 by James Trager from MS Bookshelf)
• 1787: Dollar currency first introduced in the United States. (General Chonology Of Events 1994/1995 Leading Edge Research Group)
• 1811 slave trading was declared a felony punishable by transportation (exile to a penal colony) for all British subjects or foreigners caught trading in British possessions. Britain then assumed most of the responsibility for abolishing the transatlantic slave trade, partly to protect its sugar colonies. In 1815 Portugal accepted £750,000 to restrict the trade to Brazil; and in 1817 Spain accepted £400,000 to abandon the trade to Cuba, Puerto Rico, and Santo Domingo. In 1818 Holland and France abolished the trade. After 1824, slave trading was declared tantamount to piracy, and until 1837 participants faced the penalty of death. (“Blacks in Latin America,” Microsoft Encarta 98 Encyclopedia. Microsoft Corporation.)
• Abolitionists, in U.S. history, especially from 1830 to 1860, advocates of the compulsory emancipation of African-American slaves. Abolitionists are to be distinguished from free-soilers, who opposed the extension of slavery. The active campaign had its mainspring in the revival (1820s) in the North of evangelical religion, with its moral urgency to end sinful practices. It reached crusading stage in the 1830s, led by Theodore D. Weld, the brothers Arthur and Lewis Tappan, and William Lloyd Garrison. The American Anti-Slavery Society, established in 1833, flooded the slave states with abolitionist literature and lobbied in Washington, D.C. Writers like J.G. Whittier and orators such as Wendell Phillips lent strength to the cause.
• Turner, Nat, 1800–1831, African-American slave and revolutionary; b. Southampton co., Va. Believing himself divinely appointed to lead his fellow slaves to freedom, he commanded about 60 followers in a revolt (1831) that killed 55 whites. Although the so-called Southampton Insurrection was quickly crushed and Turner was caught and hanged six weeks later, it was the most serious uprising in the history of U.S. slavery and virtually ended the organized abolition movement in the South.
• 1833: Slavery abolished in Canada.
• 1836: In an effort to suppress the still feeble antislavery forces, Southern Congressmen proposed what was, in effect, an intellectual blockade. They urged federal authorities to allow states to censor literature that they deemed “incendiary,” including not only abolitionist broadsides but also a wide range of general magazines, Northern newspapers and religious journals that only occasionally mentioned slavery. Postmasters were encouraged to monitor citizens’ mail and remove anything that they deemed related to abolitionism. All petitions to Congress on the subject of slavery were to be automatically tabled, without being printed or referred to in any way. (Bordewich, Fergus M., Arguing About Slavery: The Great Battle in the United States Congress; book review of book by William Lee Miller, Smithsonian December, 1996)
• 1836: Congress passes a resolution, stating that it has no authority over state slavery laws. (The People’s Chronology, 1994 by James Trager from MS Bookshelf.)
• Panic of 1837. The reckless land speculation and the specie circular resulted in a serious downturn in the US economy which worsened as Van Buren took office. The price of cotton fell by one-half in New Orleans. New York’s unemployed demonstrated against high rents and inflated food and fuel prices and one mob broke into food warehouses and sacked their supplies. Several banks, beginning in New York, suspended specie payments. Public land sales fell from 20 million acres (1836) to 3 ½ million acres (1838). The effects of the panic persisted until 1842-43 particularly in the South and West. (Growth Of The Nation 1800 – 40 Jefferson’s Administrations Stephen F. Austin State University, Nacogdoches, TX)
• 1838: The “underground railway” organized by U.S. abolitionists transports southern slaves to freedom in Canada, but slaving interests at Philadelphia work on the fears of Irish immigrants and other working people who worry that freed slaves may take their jobs. A Philadelphia mob burns down Pennsylvania Hall May 17 in an effort to thwart antislavery meetings. (The People’s Chronology 1995, 1996 by James Trager from MS Bookshelf.)
• 1841: The Second Bank of the United States crashes. By this time it is simply a private bank and no longer a national institution. When it ran into difficulties during the 1837 crisis it was still the largest bank in the world, but it finally crashes in 1841. P 484 (A Comparative Chronology of Money from Ancient Times to the Present Day, 1830 – 1849, Based on the book: A History of Money from Ancient Times to the Present Day by Glyn Davies, rev. ed. Cardiff: University of Wales Press, 1996. 716p. ISBN 0 7083 1351 5.)
• 1841: Slave revolt on slave trader ‘Creole’ which was en route from Hampton, Va., to New Orleans, La., Nov 7. Slaves overpowered crew and sailed vessel to Bahamas where they were granted asylum and freedom. (Major Revolts and Escapes, Lerone Bennett, Before the Mayflower,)
• 1844: Morse invented the telegraph (Selected Review Of Important Media Related Historical Events And Facts. Oklahoma Baptist University)
• 1847: Escaped slave Frederick Douglas, 30, begins publication at Rochester, N.Y., of an abolitionist newspaper, the North Star. The Massachusetts Antislavery Society published Douglas’s’ autobiography 2 years ago and he has earned enough from lecture fees in Britain, Ireland, and the United States to buy his freedom. (The People’s Chronology 1995, 1996 by James Trager from MS Bookshelf.)
• 1847: About 1000 slaves per year escaped to the North during the pre-Civil War decades, most from the upper South. This represented only a small percentage of those who attempted to escape, however, since for every slave who made it to freedom, several more tried. Other fugitives remained within the South, heading for cities or swamps, or hiding out near their plantations for days or weeks before either returning voluntarily or being tracked down and captured. (“Slavery in the United States,” Microsoft Encarta 98 Encyclopedia. Microsoft Corporation.)
• 1849: Maryland slave Harriet Tubman, 29, escapes to the North and begins a career as “conductor” on the Underground Railway that started in 1838. Tubman will make 19 trips back to the South to free upward of 300 slaves including her aged parents whom she will bring North in 1857. (The People’s Chronology 1995, 1996 by James Trager from MS Bookshelf.)
• The Fugitive Slave Law passed in September 1850 allowed escaped slaves to be captured and brought back to their masters. The law also prosecuted anyone who helped hide slaves or who aided fugitive slaves in any way. The law was very expensive to the United States of America as it cost thousands of dollars to return all slaves to the places from where they had escaped. A boom also began in the slave catching business. It was easy to take any black person, free or not and say they escaped. Slave catchers roamed the whole continent looking for black people. Because of this law many blacks escaped to Canada in the 1850’s and 60’s. The Fugitive Slave Law was responsible for the escalation of blacks in Chatham and Buxton (Canadian towns), as they were final stations of the Underground Railroad. (The Buxton Settlement –Cultural Landscape. North Buxton Ontario, Canada. This information is taken from a Black History project completed by students and Staff from Chatham Collegiate Institute in Chatham, Ontario. Material was compiled from the collections of the Chatham – Kent sites of the African Canadian Heritage Tour.)
• 1857: Dred Scott decision by U.S. Supreme Court Mar. 6 held, 6-3, that a slave did not become free when taken into a free state, Congress could not bar slavery from a territory, and blacks could not be citizens. (The World Almanac and Book of Facts 1996, from MS Bookshelf.)
• 1857: Supreme Court declares in Scott v. Sandford that blacks are not U.S. citizens, and slaveholders have the right to take slaves in free areas of the county. (Underground Railroad Chronology, National Park Service)
• 1861: The US Civil War. The Confederacy finances its war effort mainly by printing money. In addition to the Confederate notes, the States, railway, insurance and other companies also issue notes. The resulting hyperinflation renders Confederate paper worthless. By comparison inflation in the North is relatively moderate as the Union government raises very substantial sums of money by taxation and borrowing. P 485-488 (A Comparative Chronology of Money from Ancient Times to the Present Day, 1860 – 1879, Based on the book: A History of Money from Ancient Times to the Present Day by Glyn Davies, rev. ed. Cardiff: University of Wales Press, 1996. 716p. ISBN 0 7083 1351 5)

Evolution and Creation: Opposing Theories?

One of the most passionate societal debates stems from the theories of evolution and creationism, which atheists and Christians (among other denominations) often engage each other in perhaps the most tiresome game of tug of war I’ve ever witnessed. What would happen if we removed the ‘vs.’ and inserted an ampersand? I know that’s crazy talk right…or maybe not so much. Personally I’ve reconciled myself to both so I’m convinced it is possible.

Let’s start with a couple working definitions:

• Evolution (also known as biological, genetic or organic evolution) is the change in the inherited traits of a population of organisms through successive generations.[1] This change results from interactions between processes that introduce variation into a population, and other processes that remove it. As a result, variants with particular traits become more, or less, common. A trait is a particular characteristic—anatomical, biochemical or behavioural—that is the result of gene–environment interaction.

• Creationism is the religious belief[1] that humanity, life, the Earth, and the universe are the creation of a supernatural being. However, the term is more commonly used to refer to religiously motivated rejection of certain biological processes, in particular much of evolution, as an explanation accounting for the history, diversity, and complexity of life on earth.

So evolution says matter, organisms and species, through a series of mutations, gradually change. Based on empirical data and even basic human observation it would be pretty hard to argue from the vantage point of sanity. Add one tally in the column for evolution, I’m sold.

Creation says that life was created by a “supernatural being”. Contrary to evolution this may be pretty hard to accept from the vantage point of sanity. Apart from science fiction, fairy tales and near death experiences there hasn’t been any solid evidence to give paranormal credence.

For the atheists ready to file a “W” in the win column, I say not so fast. How can I still believe in creation, with no scientific data to support it? While I accept and fully believe in evolution, it falls short for me in one area. Where did the original matter which started us on the evolutionary course to that we recognize as life come from?

Yeah, yeah yeah The Big Bang Theory…love that television show…bazinga! All jokes aside, here is the working definition:

• The Big Bang was the event which led to the formation of the universe, according to the prevailing cosmological theory of the universe's early development (known as the Big Bang theory or Big Bang model). According to the Big Bang model, the universe, originally in an extremely hot and dense state that expanded rapidly, has since cooled by expanding to the present diluted state, and continues to expand today. Based on the best available measurements as of 2010, the original state of the universe existed around 13.7 billion years ago,[1][2] which is often referred to as the time when the Big Bang occurred.[3][4] The theory is the most comprehensive and accurate explanation supported by scientific evidence and observations.[5][6]

Understood but here is where I revert to childlike thinking (you should know that I think children are smarter than most adults because they acknowledge they don't have all the answers and question with vigor). Why? Where did the heat and cool come from? Until those questions can be answered, proven and recreated in a laboratory evolution will continue to fall short for me. Reliability and validity, every good research study should have them.

Now on to the evidence of things not seen (the title of one of my favorite author’s books by the way). I can’t see them but I know feelings exist. To that extent, I know that people are more motivated to act on feeling versus logic. Why? Personally I think this paradox was put there by design to keep us questioning. The idea that life, centuries of evolving, love, passionate conflict and reason amount to no more than mere biological process such as excrement seems rather anticlimactic to me and the euphoric evidence of orgasm won’t allow me to accept that.

So what do I believe? I believe that a Higher Power created life to evolve in divine order. We humans think too much of ourselves to consider we might just be in a fishbowl of sorts, a divine laboratory designed to get conditions – biological, physical, emotional and social– perfectly stable. We’re being housebroken so to speak, trained in physical form before we’re allowed to enter the realm where we can do any real damage. That’s my take on things. Call me crazy but it works for me. Based on what you believe, see you on the other side…or not.

Black Out the Black Dollar on Black Friday to Protest Police Brutality

I was introduced to a proposed boycott which I would like to share with you. Writer A. Jarrell Hayes, known as @ajh_writes on Twitter, has proposed we, as a community, refrain from spending money on Black Friday to protest police brutality, specifically “Oscar Grant, Aiyana Jones, and centuries worth of others”. Read his moving poem here: Black Out Black Friday.

Some naysayers may question with the retail volume produced on this monumental day after Thanksgiving spending spree, who is going to notice? To that I suggest we need to start somewhere. Every significant protest or movement began with a suggestion. We have a score of excuses precluding us from organizing…some say we need a strong leader…some say there’s no use in fighting the system. Well if we continue to come up with reasons against as opposed to taking a stand, do we really have the right to complain after the fact?

As the adage goes, money talks and bullshit walks. Let our dollars exclaim! Black Friday sales are closely monitored and analyzed. Let the powers that be question why sales aren’t as projected. If you doubt that black consumer spending holds any weight, ask yourself why many major corporations target their marketing to “ethnic” communities. The following excerpt is from the manual: Drawing on Diversity for Successful Marketing: African-American/Black Market Profile:

This profile focuses on the impact of the growing African-American/Black market, which continues to show increases in:
• Population—which grew 26.8% between 1990 and 2007 (compared to the 20.9% for the overall U.S. population) and currently represents 13% of the U.S. population
• Purchasing Power—which is projected to break the $1 trillion mark by 2012
• Attraction to Marketers—who spent 73% more advertising dollars to reach them in 2006 compared to 2002
The African-American/Black Market Profile provides useful insights on this vital market, offering overviews of African-American geographic and demographic trends, media use and a roundup of advertising spending data.

We have a lot more power than we acknowledge and it is definitely time to send the message that we will no longer tolerate police brutality and government sanctioned executions within our community. This Black Friday, let’s put our money where our mouths have been and boycott retail spending. Black Out Black Friday!

The Pretense of Passion



The question mark is perhaps the most powerful yet underutilized punctuation mark.  We state.  We exclaim!  We seldom question.  Conceivably the greatest question ever posed to me came from a supervisor at an internship.  I say so because I remember the question vividly and can even picture her empathetically pleading countenance, to this day, as she posed it.  We were heading to lunch and along our walk we were engaged in a passionate discussion, the topic of which I can no longer recall, and we maintained opposing views.  Exhausted in her efforts to adapt my thought process in alignment with hers, she asked “Can you consider the possibility you may be wrong?”  I paused, possibly for the first time in our sparring session, to consider her query, before ultimately answering affirmatively.  Yes I could consider the possibility I was wrong; not that I was saying I was wrong but to deny the possibility would be to declare myself all knowing and, in my mind, the refusal to consider chance would equate with ignorance.

Lately I’ve been observing numerous people refusing to consider possibility when engrossed in passionate exchanges.  What I find particularly disturbing is that within the confines of perceived social media anonymity, such debate often takes an ugly turn resorting to name calling and downright hurtful arguments.  The so-called educated insist their counterpart is stupid, quick to wield credentials, quotes and historical facts of armor.

Maybe I would find the drama comical, and admittedly at times I have been tickled, until I consider the potential for harm.  Behind every screen name and avatar, for the most part, lies a human being complete with feelings.  Sometimes I think I find humor in the absurdity of the entire squabble.  Most passionate debates are born of constructs (such as religion and politics) that are subjective, ideology to which there is no right or wrong but merely point of view based on the sum total on individual experience and need.  Idealistic in thought process perchance, but I believe most humans inherently want the same principles in life, stability and love to name a couple, but individual experience has defined these ideas as well as mapped out how to go about achieving them differently.  So when one vehemently argues against another’s point of view, what the other hears is something to the effect of, “You, your persona, are not valid.  My perspective is more important than yours.”  It is no wonder then that they are no longer able to hear each other.

As with many of us, I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of such tactics.  So why now do I choose to dote on the pretense of passion?  I’m not a religious person by any means, spiritual yes, but a biblical passage comes to mind in my reflection:

And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.  And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do:  and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.  Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. – Genesis  11:  5-7

What I interpret this to mean is that the people set out to build a place which would meet everyone’s needs but in the process got caught up in their own individual’s wants with the propensity to infringe on another to obtain it.  Once the universe realized this model would not work, it pumped the brakes by “confounding” the language, thus preventing a flawed and potentially dangerous model from reaching completion.  This, in my opinion at least, seems to speak to the state of world affairs today.  Until we can come up with a plan in which everyone’s experience is validated, we will continue to fight each other at the expense of progress.

So the next time we’re tempted to get pretentious in a passionate debate, why don’t we stop to question?  After all, language is far more than words it is the context, the framework of individual experience, that gives the words any meaning.  Let’s not simply say, “You’re wrong and I’m right.”  Let’s ask enough questions in an attempt to unconfuse the tongues so we may begin to again speak the same language.  Could you consider the possibility?

Fan, Stan, Joneses & Idol Worship…

Growing up I remember hearing my father commenting on people’s obsessions with celebrities. He said something to the effect of, “I don’t think it is right celebrities get harassed. Just because they’re famous doesn’t mean they owe you anything. If I buy an album, then they owe me good music. If I buy a movie ticket, then they owe me a good show. That is all they owe me. They’re just people like everyone else.” Words of wisdom.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a fan, defined by The Free Dictionary as “an ardent devotee; an enthusiast”. I would consider myself a fan of many – Bob Marley, James Baldwin, Maya Angelou, MC Lyte to name a few. The problem comes in when ‘fan’ is lengthened into the fanatical through neurotic action and becomes a “Stan”, as per Eminem’s reference to an obsessed fan.

What kills me about people who get obsessed with celebrities is that they dedicate so much of their energy to an individual who is, at the very best, minimally aware of their existence as a result of a bank account balance. One does not have to look very far to find evidence of the lopsided relationship, the Twitter follower to friend ratio of celebrity feeds provides an excellent case study. They don’t want to converse with you unless their brand depends on it and that’s fine…they don’t have to…they don’t know you…you don’t interest them. So my question is why do you keep hanging on?

People go broke trying to keep up with the latest trends being set by those completely out of touch with your reality. Keeping up with the “Joneses” is no longer matching the new Honda Accord in your neighbor’s driveway but striving for the Lamborghini with the suicide doors that your favorite rapper rhymed about. Are you serious?

Do you realize it is all about business? Roy Canton, one of my mentors growing up, thankfully made this clear to me at a young age. There was a moment in time when the Benetton and Coca-Cola shirts with the brand name written in large letters across the front of the shirt was considered high fashion *chuckle*. As we were running around the block, flaunting our new gear Mr. Canton asked a simple question, “How much are they paying you to wear those shirts?” Paying us?! We laughed so hard and ultimately responded nothing, further adding that these articles of clothing were expensive. “You mean YOU PAY THEM?” Mr. Canton chastised us, followed by a well informed lecture of how we were giving them money while providing free advertisement.

PSA: Keep this lesson in mind before you get that brand inked in your skin please.

*Now back to our regular programming*

So while you spend your last dime and ounce of dignity paying homage in worship to your idols, keep this in mind. Celebrities get the material items they endorse for free while you slave to keep your idol and the said brand in business. While you spend time surfing the internet for a glimpse of the candid celebrity on vacation picture, know that your obsession has paid for them to take your dream vacation.

Conversely, for the celebrities who rape the adoration and dedication of misguided souls to increase their wealth, then cry ‘leave me alone, I’m human’ know this, you can’t have it both ways. The Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. You cannot set forth a standard which mocks the very people who support you and expect them not to return the favor when given the opportunity.

*Shrug*

My Eyes Reflect Your Pain…I Understand: Open Letter of Love to and for Black Men

Last night on twitter I happened across a black man, @BlackGod917, getting this off his chest:

“Aight let me tell y'all why im mad at the black man…Black men are pussies. Black men are pussies. Straight up. Pussy, vagina, coochie…We see all this shit going on day in and day out. Our women are disrespected and abused in the worst way by every race of man including us…We see these men telling our mothers/daughters/sisters/aunts/nieces/grandmothers that they ain't shit but a fat ass…Instead of grabbing these fucks by the throat and busting their shit to the white meat, we join in and degrade the very woman that births us…Since we are too pussy to defend her, we join in and attack her. Call her ugly, call her a hoe, say she ain't shit, says she ghetto…Every other woman is prettier, better and easier to deal with than our woman. Then we raise our sons and daughters to think the same shit…She raises us when our bitch ass fathers use, abuse and then leaves her. She protects us and does everything she knows to do for us…She might not be perfect and yea she may have issues but she never turns her back on us. But we grow up and say "I don't date black women"…Do u realize that even when we push her away & tell her she ain't shit, shes the same one who helps us up wen the white man beats our ass?... We owe her all the loyalty in the universe. We owe her our lives. We owe every fucking thing we are to her…How dare you sit there with your black skin and say you don't want a black woman. You need to have your skin removed. U don't deserve it…when I saw Oscar Grants mother crying and I didn't have the heart to go out and fuck some shit up to make her know we love her and…We will make them pay for every tear she ever had to shed, I knew I didn't have the right to call myself a black man…Peace Gods and Goddesses. That shit has been on my heart for a few days now.”

After reading this series of tweets, I responded with a simple thank you but there was a lot more I wanted to say. I’m not sure what you take from his rant but I feel it truly speaks to the rampant dysfunction within that thing we call black love. As I read reviews of Tyler Perry’s newest film, articles and blog posts on black relationships, listen to music, etc. it is apparent that there is a strong need on both parts to say, “I know, I own it, I’m sorry and I love you.” This statement is what this series of tweets symbolized for me. Perhaps I’m a helpless romantic who still believes love heals all things so here goes,

“Dear Black Man,

I’m sorry if I haven’t said it enough or in a way that has made it clear to you, but I love you. How could I not? For as long as I can remember, I knew you loved me. At five, I remember my father going across the street to promise, not warn, promise the last white family left on the block that if their German Shepherd (who I innocently thought terrorized our street because the owners were simply careless with their gate not yet understanding the depth of racial hatred) ever touched his baby girls that he would first kill the dog then the owner…I knew daddy loved me.

I thought you knew I loved you when I scratched up my knees playing skelly side by side with you on our chalked out board and you gently pulled me out the way when cars passed. I knew you loved me when my nose was broken playing baseball in the street and you brought out your water gun to wash away my blood, unable to take seeing my blood splattered across the concrete. I thought you knew I loved you when we played manhunt together, our version of hide and seek that I didn’t even realize was a survival training drill for you. I know you love me when I see you willing to shed your blood in the streets to wash away my tears by fighting for the one thing you feel you can ever truly possess, respect. Though my sistas and I accuse you of being misogynistic, I love you for loving my big ass and fat ass thighs when the magazines, movies and television never did. I knew you loved me when you ran back into the stampeding crowd trying to escape them fools busting guns outside the club to make sure my friend and her new shoes made it out okay because I looked at you, my eyes begging you to help me find her.

So if I understand that you love me and know how you show your love and know what you learned about being a man, how is that I get a little “education” and start acting brand new…asking you to change? Is that what you’re asking me?

Well it is because I love you that I don’t want to wash your blood out the streets anymore. I need you. Our babies need you. Maybe I’ve been a little overzealous in my efforts to protect you. I’ve coddled you. I’ve made excuses for you. I’ve been too forgiving, sometimes at the expense of my own wellbeing and, even if this was precisely the care you needed at that moment, I understand why you resent me for it. I understand that it means I’ve seen and exposed your weakness. I understand that by enabling you I’m not helping you to find your way.

Don’t think for one minute when I look at you I see weakness. Don’t think that I hate you. This hard look I’m taking is not a stare of contempt but a glance of love, adoration for your strength and resilience. I know you love me. I know you want nothing more than to protect me, provide for me, pamper me and make me happy. I understand that the world we live in has not made this easy for you. I understand if you’re not ready to gaze lovingly back into my eyes yet. I understand that the pain you feel is intense because I feel it too.

We are each other’s mirror and I understand that my eyes reflect your pain because your eyes reflect mine too.

Love,

Black Woman”