No Wedding No Womb: Advocacy for the Self-Inflicted Genocide of a Stolen People?

The other day I noticed a Twitter friend defensively baring her soul in tweets with the hashtag #NWNW. Curiosity peaked, I followed the thread to learn that this acronym stood for a new movement called No Wedding No Womb, aimed at having “couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them” (visit http://noweddingnowomb.com/ for reference). Though the movement is meant for all potential parents, it is largely directed at black youth since the black community is reportedly in a state of crisis concerning this matter.

On the surface a fairly benign and perhaps even admirable concept, I was puzzled by the all out blitz of tweets my friend sent in defense of single moms. Apprehensively I sent her a couple of TMI tweets because I knew I would not be able to convey the concern in such a delicate manner within the 140 character limit. In her reply she acknowledged that, as a single mom herself, the issue was personal to her and her issue was not with the concept but rather how it was playing out in practice. In her opinion, the participants were “preachy”, placed the burden largely on the women and fell short of providing practical suggestions. In addition, the movement reportedly put forth the notion that women became single mothers because they failed to “value” themselves.

Then last night, I happened across another series of NWNW tweets in which a teenage black girl was clearly put off by the movement and responded with highly intelligent questions and rebuttals. Initially it appears she was on board but became disheartened by the language of its advocates. Apparently, there was some comparison made between the offspring of out-of-wedlock children to feral animals. The movement’s leader suggested that such semantics were used for shock value to get people listening and suggested the movement “E-adopt” this young lady.

As an educated black wife and mother, having a Bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in African-American studies and a Master’s degree in social work, I couldn’t help but to explore the larger psychological, historical and societal implications of this movement within the black community.

The first place I started was with the movement’s proprietor, Christelyn D. Karazin (see her bio here http://noweddingnowomb.com/) a black female journalist, self-proclaimed “baby mamma” turned wife and advocate of interracial relationships. Normally I wouldn’t touch the latter but since I see it as pertinent to this discussion I think I’ll go there. After all, any movement will be led in the direction of the captain of its ship.

My paternal grandmother was mixed, as the popular vernacular of time explained the product of a black and white parent, and was vehemently against such unions. I can remember one of our final visits to Jamaica to see her before she passed. My sister, newly engaged to a white man, shows my grandmother a picture of her fiancé and announces her pending nuptials. With pause my grandmother examined the picture, turned to me and asked, “Wat you tink bout dem tings?” I replied that I wasn’t particularly in favor of interracial relationships to which my grandmother replied, “Me neither. Me tink de children dem come out confused.”

My sister was hurt and she felt that our standpoint was racist. Now I’m not sure my grandmother and I were on the same page for the same reasons but being that she was speaking from experience, I had to respect her opinion. As for me, I used a simplistic metaphor to explain my reasoning. My college roommate and friend, a white woman who dated across the spectrum, and I often had this debate. One day I asked her, “Do you entertain guests in a dirty house?” Of course she stated she would not to which I replied that as black people we have too much house cleaning to do before we can entertain guests, a reference to the psychological, emotional and financial healing of the community.

Prior to learning about African–American history, high school was my first integrated experience. I remember having strong reactions to subliminal lessons that black people were somehow inherently uncivilized and inferior (until white people taught them better that is). This led to my quest to learn about American race relations. Learning the truth about slavery left me psychologically scarred and in homage to my ancestral mothers, wives and sisters, I made a personal vow to never be intimate with a white man. The idea that slave masters raped black women for both business and pleasure, that children were stolen from their parents and families, that black fathers were left powerless to provide for and protect their families induced a pain that cannot be explained.

Given these considerations, I could not help but wonder if the NWNW movement is being guided by confused and pained leaders, who fail to acknowledge the systematic attempt of a nation to exterminate a stolen people who are no longer deemed economically viable and represent the reminder of the nation’s horrific origins.

The leader has often pointed out that in the time of MLK over 70 percent of black children lived with their parents. Has the reason for the decline in the numbers since that time been explored, such as the racial disparity in education, employment, wages and imprisonment? Or is simply because of our feral ways?

So what would happen if the future mothers and fathers of our bloodline wholeheartedly followed this movement? Given the fact that they should not procreate until they are “emotionally, physically and financially able to care for” children, that would significantly reduce the census of this already identified minority. Suddenly I got the image of the movement handing our youth loaded guns, safety off, with the directive to “Kill yourself!”

In college I was in an elite honors statistical course, only the top 12 students and I was the only one of color. We had to do a study and I remember a peer doing a comparison of the success rates of various ethnic groups post graduation. She, a young white woman, concluded that blacks were “less successful” to which I challenged her measure of success. She stated that whites went on to earn more money in careers such as doctors and lawyers while blacks were more likely to be teachers and nurses. I challenged that perhaps the needs of the communities were different and that money should not be the ultimate measure of success.

Following my own advice I took a look in the mirror. Am I personalizing this issue? I would have to say I am. See, based on everything I learned about majority perception of the black community, one might say that I personally took the NWNW vow. The last thing I wanted to be was a statistic. I didn’t dare have a child before completing my education, being secure in my career and marriage. Initially my husband and I wanted three or four children but we instead have one son, who regularly pleads for a sibling. One day I told him we couldn’t afford one and he got very upset and told me I was teasing him. I explained that the opportunities we provide for him would be limited if we increased our family. In writing this piece I had to ask myself if I had been bamboozled? Had I actually bought into the value system imposed on a stolen people? Was I mind-fucked into self-sterilization thus contributing to the ultimate genocide of our community? Oh hell, despite my best efforts I managed to be violated and my children were stolen from me after all!

With this in mind I was left thinking, perhaps the solution to our “crisis” (albeit a highly irresponsible suggestion) is not to limit our offspring at all but rather the exact opposite, continue to produce despite the identified obstacles; strength in numbers right? Maybe our successors will unite and clean not only the house but the neighborhood, community and ultimately the nation.

With any seemingly black and white issue, the true solution typically lies somewhere in the midst of the gray area. At this point in time I am not sure that we should be making attempts to drastically reduce or increase our population. One thing is clear though, anyone who attempts to tackle this issue should closely examine their own values, from its origins to its intentions, before attempting to impose them on others, especially in such a personal area with far reaching psychological, financial and societal implications. Remember, communication is key and not just semantics.

What do you think?